WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
