What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
