we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
