I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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