Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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