Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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