I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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