I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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