I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
