afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
