How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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