omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
