Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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