I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
