my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
