She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
