oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
