i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
