Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
