Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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