its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
