talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
barbara walters just said penis...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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