Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents