Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Randomize
Follow @tfln