in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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