we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
