youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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