She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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