Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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