At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
