I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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