Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
