I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
