Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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