Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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