This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
