i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
