Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
