So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize