And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
