The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
