Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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