dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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