I met the friendliest cop last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
