he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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