i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
