You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
