There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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