We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
