6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
