I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
