I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
did i just pee glitter
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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