WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
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Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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