i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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