So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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