Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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