Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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