Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
