arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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