so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
