Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
