Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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