just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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