Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
