is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
