I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
