Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize