oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
