i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
