I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
