the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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