I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
