I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
