The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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