I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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