he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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