I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize