She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
