She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
