At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
sarcasm needs its own font
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
