There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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