when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
