I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
