one might say we're banned from that church
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
