I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
