I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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